Stripes of the Pin Variety

Coat (Zara - majorly on sale over the holidays, similar here), Trousers (Zara, similar here), Shirt (H&M Men's, similar here), Brogues (Rag & Bone - majorly on sale thanks to Barney's Warehouse, similar here), Necklaces (Dogeared), Ring (Blanca Monros Gomez via Of a Kind - Christmas present from The Man) 

It is safe to say that the two patterns that dominated the Autumn/Winter Sartorial Season last year were plaid (in various forms) and pinstripes. This is mostly thanks to one lady: Stella McCartney. With lines that consistently demonstrate a tendency toward and a mastery of masculine silhouettes and motifs as worn by a woman (and it should be noted that the Stella McCartney woman is one of insurmountable cool and imaginative simplicity), Stella McCartney possesses the kind of creative hands that make things that immediately flood us with an overwhelming sense of desire. And (here's the real trick, and what more often than not sets apart a good designer from a master of the art form) that desire is lasting.

Her Autumn/Winter 2013 collection from last year is basically runway porn. You can't see it and not get turned on. Of course what inevitably happened is what always happens with trend-setting collections. Her line initiated The Trickle Down Dance, and soon us plebs were awash in a sea of midnight pinstripes and fuzzy plaid. No matter how many times I saw some version (or inversion in some cases) of her pinstripe coat, or an angora plaid sweater, the original desire hatched by her archetypal designs remained steadfast, and in some cases all the more stronger.

Which is the story of how I came to look like I do here. (It is a tale of fascinating proportions and epic intrigue, I know.) And thusly, I am compelled to once again do what I always find myself doing, and that is to throw my hands up, toss my head back, and spin like some sort of coked-out gypsy while I praise the Gods that are Zara.

Oh and if you feel like making your mind explode and then subsequently shoving a month's rent into your computer screen, you can behold (and then purchase) the original inspiration for this particular pinstripe coat here. WOMP.

Checks on Checks on Checks

Blazer (Mango, similar here and here), Shirt (Madewell, similar here), Trousers (Zara, similar here and here), Shoes (Nine West - old, similar here), Scarf (Zara, similar here), Necklaces (Dogeared), Ring (Blanca Monros Gomez via Of a Kind - Christmas present from The Man)

While the East Coast explores the manifold benefits of wearing 6 pairs of long johns under absolutely everything, I am shimmying around San Francisco with not-accidental naked ankles and wrists like an ASSHOLE. 

And I feel pretty great about it. I guess it's been cold here, I suppose, but I don't think I'm allowed to call 52 degrees Fahrenheit "cold" when THIS is happening elsewhere to our fellow countrymen. Also, WUT. Also, WUT. 

Anyway, back to my impudently bare ankles. 

What has this season brought us aside from a fancy new Ice Age? Myriad versions of plaid -- basically any incarnation of a grid-like tesselation of various lines, colors, and configurations, we saw this past Fall/Winter. (And pinstripes, too, but that's a whole other turdy post.) And did you know that despite the fact that our punishment for a lack of Winter on the West Coast is that we're in the middle of AN ACTUAL GOVERNMENTALLY-PROCLAIMED DROUGHT, we can all totally rest assured because if there is one thing we're not short of, it's different kinds of plaid? Did you know that? Fashion = Captain Planet.

Here are some fun vocab words to play with:

Plaid

Tartan

Checkered

Buffalo Plaid

Houndstooth (also known as Dogtooth if you're from anywhere in Europe)

Gingham

Shepherd's Check

Windowpane

Glen Plaid (also known as Prince of Wales Check. sounds fun, right?!)

And it's nothing else other than my enthusiastically misplaced elation regarding the surplus of plaids at my disposal this season, and the proclivity toward nakedness that my ankles and wrists tend to have, that have inspired this particular outfit.

I'm wearing 4 different kinds of plaid here all at once, and what prevents me from looking like I just rolled around in a pile of my clothes and sauntered out the door (although, maybe I do look that way? DO I?) is the fact that all of the plaids are partying with the same colors, with black and white being the most popular kids at the party. With some combination of the same 2 or 3 colors, you can pile on the prints like you would the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving.

Ok, maybe 5 kinds of plaid if you count my hair.

Back in Black (Not Really)

Coat (Zara - majorly on sale recently, similar here - also on sale!), Sweater (Zara - old, similar here), Trousers (Madewell, similar here), Loafers (Zara, similar here), Bracelet (Nadri), Ring (Blanca Monros Gomez via Of a Kind - Christmas Present from The Man) 

I won't bore you with the details and reasons behind my blogging hiatus (suffice it to say that it was mostly colored by a surplus of self-loathing and a general malaise surrounding the idea of the "effort" (pfft) it would require to, in fact, blog (the verb)), but we're one month into the new year, which means it's precisely the right time to start hacking away at those now perfectly ripe New Year's Resolutions (as futile an endeavor as they may be, the annual exercise of discussing and setting them gives me a temporary high that I will liken to the feeling of hope mixed with something similar to that of purpose). 

Along with such lofty goals as Have Fewer Nightmares, and Say Nicer Things to People, getting back on the "blogging horse" was (is) on my list of resolutions for 2014. So, after giving myself the required one month of lead-in time to store the fat and strength needed to OBLITERATE my New Year's Resolutions To Do List come February, here I find myself. And with Fashion Week(s) nigh, I figured now was as good a time as any to pretend to be in the game. The New Year doesn't really start until February anyway as far as I, and the Chinese, are concerned. So make the necessary adjustments to your schedule and get on board because you just gained one whole month of dicking around that you get to summarily write off as an operating expense. Chest bump!

Now the outfit, well the outfit is something of a cross between a mid-20th-century accountant perhaps (see: tweed trousers and cognac loafers), someone who thinks they're a Fashion Blogger Capital F Capital B (see: ornamentally draped statement coat accompanied by a vacant stare), and an Irish fisherman (the appropriation from the latter is obvious here). 

Wear your sweaters long, and your coats longer, and don't forget to remind yourself that it's still Winter somewhere, and that you still have a whole 11 months to exercise those demons of optimism that authored the compendium of hopes and dreams you have for 2014 and your life in general. HAPPY NEW YEAR, KIDS!