Jorts for Fall, Two Ways

Outfit 1: Blazer (Zara, love this striped blazer for Fall, too), Blouse (Zara, similar here), Shorts (Forever 21 (cost like no dollars srsly), similar here), Shoes (Keds, similar here), Necklace (Dogeared), Bracelets (assorted Nadri), Watch (Marc by Marc Jacobs)
Outfit 2: Blazer (Forever 21, similar here), Blouse (J.Crew, similar here), Shorts (Forever 21, similar here), Shoes (Zara, similar here and here), Necklaces (H&M - old, similar here, and Dogeared)

Because we all want to wear denim cut-offs year-round, don't we? Or maybe we don't, but maybe we want to at least have the option of wearing them whenever we want (that doesn't sound crazy at all), and maybe that requires us to get a little creative with our jort-wearing exploits. 

What's odd is that while everyone else was flashing their denim-sliced buttcheeks around all summer (and I usually never miss out on an opportunity to flash my butt cheeks), I was for whatever reason uninterested in the three pairs of really-similar-looking-but-obviously-totally-not-the-same-at-all denim cut-offs sitting in my drawer. I was apparently more interested in wearing my mom shorts and my leather skirts than I was in slicing my butt with jean. 

But then as soon as Fashion declared it was time for Fall, or at least time to start dressing like it was Fall, say around early August, I found myself uncannily and suddenly drawn to my denim sausage casings—in particular the $10 pair that I picked up at Forever 21 months ago when I bought them because they were $10. 

And then I started wearing them all kyna ways. I wore them out to a Shabu dinner with head-to-toe black everything else, and thought, "I can totally wear these suckers at night." I wore them to work (on a Friday, which means anything goes right?) with a giant blazer and a pair of pointy-toed flats and thought, "Suckers! I can totally wear these to the office, too." And then, knowing what I wanted to know before I even knew that I wanted to know it, Leandra Medine prophetically espoused and demonstrated the wonders of, and the many ways in which you can wear, many different kinds of denim cut-offs. 

Which only fueled my acute obsession with them that much more, and also inspired me to do a little blog dance about how one could—if they so chose—wear the same pair of shorts TWO DIFFERENT WAYS, and maybe even at two different times of day(!). This is earth-shattering shit. Brace yourselves.

If one were to approach this flatly, I suppose the first iteration could be classified as a "Day" look, and the second a "Night" look. But I feel like the outfits—or perhaps, the denim cut-offs—can be understood in a more specifically contextual way. The first look is a somewhat casual endeavor (see: laceless eyelet tennis shoes), while still being put together enough to distinguish it on the spectrum from the bikini top/flip-flop situation where in most cases the accompanying denim-shorts are not even buttoned (the "spectrum" being the Denim Cut-Off Spectrum obviously). It's the blazer that primarily does this, and to a lesser extent the button-down blouse—both typically tools of a more dressed up affair, in which business (bizness?) may or may not be taking place.

The second look is decidedly more shmancy, despite the fact that I am still donning said denim sausage casings, and it's primarily three things that contribute to the shamnce. 1) Color: sticking to all black for every other garment included in the outfit goes a long way to step up those jorts. 2) Textures/Materials: when embarking on a monochromatic adventure, it's always important to play with and layer various textures of the given color. And in this case, the textures are those that are typically more "luxe" i.e. sequins and suede. 3) My Black Sequinned Blouse: I think this gets to be a reason for the shamncy-ness all on its own. (And maybe 3b is "Rhinestones.")

So wear your denim cut-offs whenever, wherever, and however you damn well please. Because you can! And because it might temporarily make things more interesting when you're feeling like you might need to make things more interesting. I think come Winter, I will be donning them with a pair of tights, booties, and a flannel shirt, and calling myself "Six."

Maybe He Thinks I Stole His Shirt...

Shirt (H&M Men's, similar here), Trousers (Wayf via Nordstrom, similar here), Shoes (Asos - old, similar here), Necklace (Dogeared), Bracelets (Nadri), Watch (Marc by Marc Jacobs)

When it comes to fashion, I am a greedy biatch...in the sense that I have an insatiable appetite for it. I simply can not consume enough of it, no matter what form my consumption takes (i.e. purchasing, reading, seeing, browsing, wearing, talking, touching, dreaming (both day and night), smelling...the usual). In fact, I, like many other style obsessed 20-somethings, am a Hungry, Hungry Fashion Hippo. Indeed, it is a gluttonous affair. Except of course when I am thumbing through a magazine staring at Cara Delevigne's legs...then, after about 5 minutes of mushbrained ogling, I throw my magazine frizbee style at the nearest wall. Then, I've had enough. But that's beside the point.

So when I find myself at a frustrating crossroads where I feel like I simply can't get enough, when I need something else, something more, even if only temporarily, I head to the Men's Department—digitally, physically, philosophically, and otherwise.

Now I am no Neil Armstrong here (wrong use of this reference probably); I'm not blazing any trails. Leandra Medine has built an entire empire on man repelling, often with the exployment of actual men's clothing, always looking chic and slightly goofy like I wish I could. And hello, Marlene Dietrich was fetishizing this very act of appropriation way before any of us yo-yos ever started lazily wearing our boyfreinds' shirts with some sort of purpose and our noses in the air.

With the boyish trends of 90s self presentation running rampant this fall (and apparently all over the Spring/Summer '14 collections, too!*), I was inspired to rummage through my collection of men's pieces of which I have a few (note: "my collection of men's pieces" does not mean, "my boyfriend's closet," though the man does have some rather nice duds, and I'm thinking I might steal one of his ties soon). This shirt I got free and clear and not from a boyfriend but from a clothing swap** last year from my friend Rose, who had concluded along with her roommate at the time, that she had absolutely no idea what man this shirt belonged to, and that it had probably been hanging in her closet since she moved in. SCORE! (I washed it obviously.) Which also probably makes it a lucky shirt since it was probably there as a result of someone getting lucky, right?! Sure.

And there is something inherently sexy about wearing a man's shirt, isn't there? At least maybe in a cliché Rom-Com scene kinda of a way, where Protagonista emerges from the bedroom of Handsome's apartment, swimming in Handsome's dress shirt from the evening before, touseled hair, perfect face, leggy and squinting into the morning, awash in a post-coital haze. "OH GOODNESS I just couldn't find a shred of my clothing anywhere because of the carnivorous nature in which you derobed me last night so I totally had to throw on the sweaty button-down you were wearing yesterday and only half button it and in all the wrong places too because I have simply lost all fine motor skill capacities from the limb-numbing sex we had. Good morning!" Sure. But maybe what makes it sexy is the fact that I think women tend to look better in men's dress shirts than men often do (pectorals aside), and that brand of gender-dress-shattering subversion is HOT. 

In any case, the sort-of point is that if you ever find yourself in need of some fresh food to "feed the fashion beast" as it were (the beast being you, sorry), turn your attention toward the Men's Department, or your boyfriend's closet.


*So far.
**These are the best kept not-secrets of my social and sartorial lives and are a perennial source of unhinged joy, complete with those bouts of laughter where you laugh so hard and so continually that you are choked with silence and vibrating while doing so. Highly recommended. 

A Little Rusty

Blue suede shoes.

Blazer (Zara, similar here), Leather Shorts (Minimarket via Urban Outfitters - super old, similar here and here), T-Shirt (Zara, similar here), Shoes (Zara, similar here), Necklace (Dogeared), Watch (Marc by Marc Jacobs), Bracelet (Nadri), Rings (miscellaneous Ariella rings, similar here)

I have yet to turn my back on a perfectly good blazer, especially one of the double breasted variety, and while you're probably sick of hearing me extoll the many virtues of a solid and stylish blazer (what?! you are?!), I really just can't shout this out into the ether of ignoring ears enough: WEAR A GODDAMN BLAZER. Your wardrobe will thank you (and so will all of the people checking your finely dressed ass out!).

In my begrudging (but actually totally not begrudging because I am just so stoked for all that Fall Fashion has to offer us this year, and also because I am finding lots of Fall outfit inspiration from the slew, nay shitload, of street style snaps inundating my feeds as the Spring 2014 runway shows commence—we're just getting started, people!) ummm oh, "begrudging" attempts to transition my outfits based on a more seasonally appropriate timeline, I thought this [what can only be called] rust colored, oversized blazer—I love being reminded of the existence of fantastic colors that I have forgotten were fantastic—would be a piece perfectly suited for such a delicate and precarious endeavor.

And I think I accomplished what I set out to do, no? Or rather, my blazer did. The rust hue is warm and vibrant, something out of a Bob Ross palette primed for a "Vermont in October" foliage focused scene, but the cotton/silk/linen blend of the material makes it light and breathable enough for the summer months. Beyond that, the more masculine cut of the blazer is a wink at the oversized, menswear-borrowed silhouettes that are taking over this Fall. The leather shorts are a nod to Fall and Winter styling while still being, well, shorts, while the linen striped tee has whiffs of breezy summer days that may or may not be nautically inclined. Lastly, the cobalt blue suede pumps could be at home in any season I think.

So I suppose this marks my [slow, and] official march into the land of scarves, tartan, flannel, overcoats, boots, leather everything, and so much more deliciously autumnal equipment. To celebrate that, and my rust blazer, let the whiskey drinking begin! (For Hot Toddies obviously.)

Potato, Poh-tah-toh: My Friend Chelsea

Left: 3.1 Phillip Lim Danny Boot ($450), Right: Zara Flat Chelsea Boot ($99.90)

With Fall upon us, despite the misgivings of a better-late-than-never Indian Summer (although I suppose that is the definition of an Indian Summer, is it not?), we are already firmly entrenched in the phase of the year during which our stylistic purview is inundated with boots. If there is one sigil that fully represents sartorially inspired consumer-based trends of the season, it is The Boot.

And if there's one boot that remains steadfast each season, one boot we see iterations of every year since they days of Hard Day's Night, it's The Chelsea Boot. One of my personal favorites, its sleek, understated stylishness bestows upon even the most drab outfits a level of elevation and thoughtfulness that far few other pieces can deliver in one blow. A solid Chelsea Boot is truly one of those (maybe 5 in the entire history of fashion) pieces that will literally and actually never go out of style (note: this fact could be considered an argument in favor of investing in a more pricey pair like the 3.1 Phillip Lims).

And this season, with the help of the Fall lines from designers like Acne and Versace (just to name a couple), along with a general and rather assertive resurgence in a myriad of 90s vestiary virtues (more on that another time), we're seeing a marked propensity toward patent leather on all sartorial fronts—particularly in the realm of footwear. 

All of which brings us to these two beauties. Their mannishness replete with the "of-the-moment" tendency toward menswear silhouettes and styling (90s!), these two present us stylishly inclined ladies with the perfect answer to the question (exclamation) I often ask myself during the Fall and Winter months: "UGH! It's raining! What's shoes am I going to wear NOW?!" Their water repellence, inherent comfort, provided warmth, and chicness at once solve 4 problems that together form a clusterfuck of a situation that otherwise render dressing oneself for public presentation on a rainy November day nearly impossible.

Both shoes are lovely, though Lim's sleeker aesthetic, often most visible in his footwear, does win out over the slightly more Hunter rain boot feel of the Zara pair here for me. As with most decisions, it's merely a matter of personal preference and pocketbook priorities as to which one you might choose. Either way, I doubt you'll be disappointed, rain or sunshine.

Bedroom Shorts

Always keeping it classy, guys.

Durrrrrrrrr

Shorts, or rather, Bloomers (The Man Repeller x PJK, similar here), Vest (Old Navy - old, similar here), Shirt (Forever 21, similar here and here), Necklaces (Dogeared), Bracelets (Nadri and Madewell), Rings (miscellaneous Ariella rings)  

Sure, these billowy, barely-there bloomers could pass for lingerie, piquant with their familiarly silken trappings of sexytime, their dreamy undulations of form, their silhouette aflutter with flirtatious energy. (Too much?) But I assure you they're not. They're shorts. Perfectly suitable for out-of-the-house, public prancing and tomfoolery, much to my boyfriend's dismay.

My inherent need to flout aside, there are some places I would probably never wear these. The office for one—unless the office meant my bedroom where I could slip into these suckers, lazily sift through my emails, eating peanut butter out of the jar and wearing my favorite socks; church is another (I have precisely two occasions annually during which this predicament could present itself as something to even be considered), uhh, the grocery store is another—actually no, I would totally and happily wear these to the grocery store, much to my boyfriend's dismay—and lastly, I would probably never wear these to a funeral.

Why it took me nearly 3 months post-purchase to finally take these babies for a spin, I'll never know. Perhaps these are merely another attempt (of many) in my OH-MY-GOD-CARLEE-YOU'RE-STILL-TALKING-ABOUT-THIS?! fruitless vestiary pursuit to dress myself into thinking it's Summer. Waiting until late August to wear these, when everyone's already talking about Christmas (apparently?!) is maybe my way of ignoring the impending season, whilst cheekily (get it?) and efficiently aerating the lower half of my body, much to my boyfriend's dismay.

Or perhaps (and more likely) these underthings-turned-grocery-store-pants are simply another incarnation of my ridiculousness manifesting itself occasionally through my sartorial decisions. A vague attempt on my part to craft some kind of eccentricity through clothing, in order to distract everyone from the fact that I am in fact completely devoid of personality (to loosely quote Carrie Bradshaw, Season 2). But also, these shorts are just plain fabulous! And you should know that they also couldn't be more user-friendly. Never have I so swiftly and in one deft motion been able to don a single piece of clothing without incident or effort.

The best part is, it's just as quickly that you've put them on that you've already forgotten you're wearing them. (How liberating!) And I challenge you to find one warm-blooded soul that doesn't want to walk around outside feeling as if they aren't wearing any pants...other than maybe my boyfriend. 

Flower Power Suit

Suit Jacket and Trousers (Zara, similar here), Shirt (J.Crew - old, similar here), Shoes (Rachel Roy, similar here),

Necklaces (both Dogeared here and here),  Watch (Marc by Marc Jacobs)

Zara Summer Sale, I am at your mercy. 

Well, was...but I think I worked that out of my system. Hence the floral suit, and 37 other deeply discounted items I had been coveting over the last 3 months or so, finally purchased in an excited but highly logical frenzy. Summer Sales (I assure they warrant gratuitous capitalization) are the BEST. What's important to note, though, is that this foliage emblazoned power suit is one attempt (of many) to keep my dreams of a warm and vegetation filled Summer alive. 

My mind, my eyes, my shivering body, and my forever browsing and clicking fingers say it's Fall (thanks largely to the fact that according to the Fashion Universe Calendar, Fall started about a month ago and we're already deep into the phase of the seasonal transition where we are being beaten ceaselessly with images of tartan scarves, funnel-neck knits, folds of woolen fabric, and angry looking boots. God, I love it though..), but my heart says it's still Summer. 

I am clinging desperately to the last vestiges of the supine days of mid-year luxuriance, guys. Join me.